Well the baby carrots are 9 months old. They have officially been out for as long as they were growing inside of me! They are changing everyday. And so am I. So this is a post about how I have changed.
I am really raw. My emotions live riiiight at the surface, and I know what I’m feeling all. The. Time. There is a running dialogue in my brain that is pure emotion. My husband might also describe this as “overly sensitive,” but I like to just think of it as raw.
I feel more authentic. I am making friends with other mamas. Making friends is hard, and isn’t something I’ve really had to do since I moved to Ottawa in grade 5 and started at a new school. And making friends without the social lubricants of a pub and a pint – like how I made friends in my 20’s – is challenging. So, I am keepin’ it real. Just finding confidence in myself that people will like me for who I am. And it’s been great, getting to know people in our homes surrounded by our children. Sometimes talking about things I wouldn’t even share with my husband. Meeting people who understand where I am on this crazy twin journey.
I am an eternal optimist. I have had some dark times in my life, but the last nine months, I have never felt more confident and SURE that life will turn out okay. I have bad days, and sometimes the stress level is through the roof (we have moved twice since the littles were born!), but there is something inside of me that is…happy. I didn’t know that about myself.
I am ready to simplify. As one year is fast approaching, the decision to return to work is looking less and less likely. I think I will make that scary transition to Stay At Home Mom. Which means budgets and planning and not spending money whenever I feel like it anymore. And I’m excited for this challenge. I am excited to simplify and teach my children what is really important in life. I am excited to scout out deals; plan our meals and grocery shop efficiently; live with less – clothes, furniture, stress. I have been earning a paycheque since I was 16 years old, so this will be interesting…
I have given up on life going back to the way it was. There was a time when I thought that the first year of having children would have it’s ups and downs, but you would eventually be able to fit those children back into how you were living before. Ah, so naive. Life will never be the same. If I am still awake at 10pm, it’s a late night for me. If I watch more than one hour of consecutive television, it’s a luxury. If I work out at the gym once a week, I’m a rock star. Yes, we have taken the littles to the pub for dinner. Twice. But it usually interferes with bedtime, so it’s unlikely to happen often. Life as I knew it is over.
But I think my new one will do.