In the beginning, the weeks seemed to take forever. Now, all of a sudden, they are flying by. I want everything to stop and slow down, and at the same time, I’ve started having this craving to hold my babies in my arms. I’m glad that they’re safe and warm in my belly, but I have a longing to hold them and know what they look like. Pregnancy is such a strange thing, the way that your emotions are connected to your body; and how it all knows to do the right thing at the right time.
I ordered a bunch of books from Amazon earlier in the week, (a whole whackload on Attachment Parenting, the philosophy of which I love, but not sure how it will translate with two infants), and one of the books I got is Birthing from Within. As soon as I started reading it, I knew I would love it. I will do a full review when I’m done, because I think everyone should read this book. One of the topics she touches on in the first chapter is “worrying” during pregnancy. The author explains that worrying is a healthy aspect of pregnancy, and a way for us to work out deep-seated issues. In fact, women who worry a lot often have easier births, because they have been able to work through their fears. Ignoring fears can hinder a peaceful birth, because the fears were never dealt with. I love this idea. The neuroses that pop up in pregnancy actually serve a purpose.
As I have written in the past, I am having a hard time accepting that we have to stay in our downtown townhouse (even though it’s brand new). This particular neurosis seems to climax once a week or so, when I go on a mad house hunting frenzy and usually end up driving my husband nuts. Each time that this happens though, I try to look at the reasons I’m doing this – mainly that I am worried about feeling trapped in a house that does not serve myself or my children – a carry-over from watching my mom raise my sisters when I was 16 and there were 7 of us crammed in a tiny town house. These issues, no matter how annoying and repetitive they seem, need to be addressed, and I need to come to terms with them so that I can move past my fears.
I use my own craziness as an example, but it could be anything. It could be worrying about dying during childbirth, or that you won’t know how to take care of your baby properly. Whatever your worry is, it’s okay to worry about it! It’s a signal that there is some work that needs to be done on a deeper level. Follow your worry, keep asking WHY. Why am I worried about this? What happened in the past that might make me think this could happen? What narrative have I been dragging around that might not serve me anymore? And I got all that from the first chapter! Phew!
We had our first pre-natal class on Wednesday (for parents expecting multiples). There were only 4 couples, but it was neat to be around people who are in the same situation we are. The class is given by someone who had twins, so that’s a bonus too. The first session focussed on nutrition…to which I bit my tongue for most of…lots of talk about dairy…but it was a good introduction.
When we were introducing ourselves, we were asked to give our names, due dates, and how we were feeling. The first 3 women, when they got to the last question, all said that they felt great, although a bit tired in the beginning. I was sitting there with my mouth open. A BIT TIRED???? When it came to my turn, I said: I have never felt so horrible in my life, I could barely eat anything, and most smells sent me retching. As I was talking, I could see everyone else nodding in agreement. Um…ladies…WHY ARE WE LYING ABOUT EARLY PREGNANCY??? It is no walk in the park! I felt like my body was being taken over by aliens and I had zero control. The freakin’ world looked different! I was depressed and struggling, and pretending you were “a bit tired” does not help anyone! Especially with us ladies who are growing two placenta, there is no need to be a hero. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe they really did not feel sick, but somehow I don’t believe it.
Anywho, other than that, the class was fine, and I’m glad I’m doing it, even though I’m not sure how much learning is going on for me. The more I read and think about it, the more I realize it’s so instinctual, and what we should all be learning is to trust ourselves, and to realize that the knowledge of birth and child-rearing is so ancient and ingrained, that we can’t NOT know it.
There’s my message for the weekend. TRUST YOURSELF.
Have a great one,